Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
