wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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