But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
