Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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