worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
