i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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