Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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