my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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