I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
