I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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