Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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