I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Im part way to drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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