I cannot find my penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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