he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
