Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
