There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
