She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
