All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
