Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The uberlube is also flammable
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
