I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
