i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
