i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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