The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
