I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
