Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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