My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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