Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
