i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
