If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
please don't ironically join a cult
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