Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
