Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
