11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I did not marry a roomba.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
