It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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