I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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