people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
