I wish my penis had an off switch
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
