Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
