the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need a burrito and a hug.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
