her vagine was all disorganized.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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