I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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