How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
