The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
