i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
