I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
