can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
