just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We are two peas in an std pod
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
