My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
