I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
