your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
