cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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