Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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