I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
