i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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