went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
