threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
