In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
