im drinking this country out of the recession.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
